I found this today as I was looking through my old Tumblr blog that I used to keep… I really liked it, so I thought that I would share. Enjoy! Happy Tuesday!
It’s been awhile…
I haven’t said anything in awhile, because… I haven’t had anything worth being said outloud. Seems once I type it, it becomes available for people to use against me. Words that haunt my mind, once dumped on to paper, are free to haunt someone else. However, these days my words have looped and swirled around entangling themselves in my hair and sticking to my tongue. I shake them violently, but they would not release me. So today is the day. I will start now.
Seems I have spent years walking behind you, waiting for you to need me. You in all your powerful glory. I thought the world of you, and in doing so, set you up to fall. I see now, that the love that I gave you was nothing more than my wishful thinking and foolish childhood dream that I too, would be loved unselfishly in return. I suppose that dream was selfish in itself. Funny what you see when you are looking back over your shoulder. Our dreams were never really ours, they were always mostly yours, with mine fading to gray in the corner of my mind. But we were happy and that was enough. Now, as I am watching you leave, my dreams have began tiptoeing back into my mind. I can see in colors, that I forgot existed. I wonder how long my mind has been exiled from me. Yes, I am breaking inside, and yes it is killing me to watch you go, but my soul can sense the chances and possibilities sneaking to my door.
And you, I know I’ve lost you to my own pathetic confusion and fear factors. I tremble inside realizing the damage I’ve done. The words, they do not come to me, for I’m sorry, seems so small. Terrified that all is lost, and in the past, I pray that the seed still remains, and the rains of the spring will blossom what I have destroyed. All the space and time, is not me forgetting, but me hoping to ease your ache.