Do you ever type a whole blog… and then delete it? You know there are words locked up inside, that you think should come out of you… at some point or another… but not right now. Not yet. Not today?
This keeps happening to me this week. I started a serial story about why I am so jaded… and fact is, I could put it all out there… but when I am done telling that story, I will know that I am still so jaded because I have had some really pathetic crappy annoying insane interesting people in my life from a very early age.
The biggest problem with all of the anger that I have built up towards people that I care about is that it only comes out when I have had one too many margaritas, glasses of champagne, shots of tequila, glasses of wine… drinks…
This means that what may be a very happy Jeanna… on drink number 3… can turn into a psychotic, not quite as cute, slurred speech, and throwing thing Jeanna on drink number 5. I don’t know what it is about alcohol that allows the unleashing of all things usually kept in dark places… but it does that for me to me.
It would be much faster if I just typed a blog calling individuals out and telling them all the pent up things that I have stored away in closets of my mind, but that’s really not what this blog is for… it’s more for moving passed these things. Oh how nice that sounds. How simple. Cute even.
Moving Passed Something. Sigh.
Dear jumbled content of my head… please get out… leave me be. I need to sleep.
You can always save some time by writing all those thoughts and then saving the post as a draft. This way, you can revisit it and edit, pretty it up, make it snarkier, whatever. Just make sure you don’t hit the publish button, especially if you’ve had a few drinks – PWI (Posting While Intoxicated) can be a dangerous thing. Have you considered doing all this under an entirely different identity – one that can’t be traced back here and to you?
Here’s hoping you get some sleep and relief from those demons that haunt you.
It’s funny you would say that Phil, I have thought several times of creating a blog just for random spouting off of crap that goes through my head. Definitely not a bad idea
I was going to suggest the same thing as Phil, only maybe just type/write letters to these people someplace safe where a “PWI” could never happen. Venting in writing is quite therapeutic because it not only gets the feelings out, but often leads to epiphanies about relationships or self that would otherwise never be revealed. I know from experience.
My most productive “therapy writing” is hand-writing. There is something more personal and palpable about seeing your your words in your hand-writing. Think about it…
The road to peace is long and winding.
ahhh Lorna, my journal collection is extensive.
I don’t think that I have ever received a better present then when someone presents me with a new journal… full of blank pages just waiting for my passive aggressive hardly legible scribbling. 
I figured. We’re so alike.
Do whatever works. The private blog is a great idea, too. That way if you have material that is usable for some other purpose, it’s already there.
If you write a post and don’t want to publish it make it private, and then it will not be lost.
I actually didn’t realize that I could do that, but thank you! Now I know! mwahahahaha armed and dangerous!
Thats funny that you said that about drinking… you are the only child out of the family like that.
Youre new. Lol. I love you.
I find that when you speak your mind while sober, at the exact moment words initially cry out and make their leap towards freedom, drinking time can be reserved for laughter.
Whenever the words “oh no you didn’t” or “that did not just happen” or “how could THEY do this to ME” run through your mind like a swarm of locusts Hell bent on ruining your life, they will. They will sit, smolder, fester, grow and take on a life of their own until they find their way to the surface and out the gap in your face as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow.
At least, when you let them fly free on their first attempt at freedom, they are heard by the person or persons who they were intended for. Once you hold on to them, there’s no telling what poor unfortunate friend or acquaintance will bear the brunt.